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![]() Savage Tales Ka-Zar #9 ~ Vol 1 #9 ~ March 1975 US $5.60
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![]() Savage Tales Ka-Zar #7 Marvel ~ 1974 US $9.80
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![]() SAVAGE TALES 7 VFNM Vallejo REH US $23.29
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![]() SAVAGE TALES 9 FVF Kaluta Gan REH US $12.70
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Savage Tales
Using Motors, Horse Power, Pipes And More To Measure A Man
I have a few significant men in my life that are all very distinct. In order to size them up, I have utilized the relationships that each of them has with autos in order to understand them a little better.
My own father has ever been very outdoorsy, which fit him perfectly. He worked as a biologist, but is retired now. Picking up a fossil here; chip a rock there, that's my dad. He never managed to grow any fondness for machinery. He was brought up by his parents to act like a gentleman, but engines and power trains appeared to produce the worst in him. I have early memories of him blaspheming the Industrial Age as he was bent over an engine.
Dad would switch tires on our VW camper vans when necessary, but would never have been one to fawn over chrome grill work or aftermarket center caps. He might pour some water in the radiator or dab Rust-oleum on oxidized spots on our van, but scrubbing up headlights with toothbrushes or running Q-Tips around dashboard knobs were not affairs that happened in our garage.
My father-in-law, on the other hand, is a car man all the way. He knows make, model and year of everything that's probably ever traveled the Pennsylvania turnpike. Scouring whitewalls or squaring a 1962 Chevy at the Antique Car Club rally is his idea of a well-spent Sunday.
He graduated rapidly from a teething ring to a pitchfork and pliers while growing up in a rural area of northern Pennsylvania. Learning all about animal farming and the ABCs of mechanics was expected of young farm boys. His interest in things with gadgets, wheels, and engines seemed to stick even though any affection for animals did not. He made the choice to leave the farm and go to college and he never looked back.
My husband is also a teacher; just like both of our fathers, but that is the only thing they share. He doesn't like to go camping, carefully washing his cars, or collecting rocks. He loves to spend his Saturday grading papers as he sips fancy java drinks at Starbucks.
He puts gasoline in the car, but would be more likely to use his Chevy center caps as paperweights on his desk, than as a cool way to floss his ride. Not that he has anything against anyone who toils over their center caps. He vacuums his vehicle twice a year, but is content to motor about town with "Wash me!" scribbled above his rusted bumper for a year at a time.
The young man that my daughter dates is a jazzed up version of my father-in-law. When I have the opportunity, I am going to send them to an auto parts store together so they can rapidly bond. My daughter gave her boyfriend a performance exhaust kit for his birthday and he is excited that the exhaust rumbles deeply. He says it lets everybody know he's arrived. My daughter grins saying, "I can hear him coming from more than a mile away." It's obvious that she's in the throes of young love!
It's true that men and the relationships they have with their automobiles are complicated. It seems that their relationships can be an reflection of some men's masculinity, while other men treat their cars as an opponent that's a nuisance that must be conquered or endured.
Some gentlemen give their cars names and others curse them. Some give their cars a lot of TLC and others demand bragging rights because their car or truck is a total beater or has the most mileage. Car stories are sold over beers, like war stories used to be shared at the campfire.
Why else is the auto industry capable of selling billions of dollars of chrome, rims, seat covers, backup sensors, window tinting, upgrade headlamps, dashboard accessories and aftermarket center caps, exhausts, hoods, auto alarms and decals?
Whether the wheels in the drive are fodder for cursing or cooing, I believe there's some inescapable mechanical mojo going on - something akin to "If you build it, he will come."

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